Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I'm So Excited
I am so excited!! *happy dance*
Sydney Australia is about 17 hours ahead of Iowa. So they're in the future. That means at this time its 12:12 pm Tuesday afternoon for me, while for Dan it is 5:12 am Wednesday morning. He leaves Sydney for the US in one day!! He's coming home!!
I'll have him finally after six months soon!! Soon, soon, soon!!!
Sydney Australia is about 17 hours ahead of Iowa. So they're in the future. That means at this time its 12:12 pm Tuesday afternoon for me, while for Dan it is 5:12 am Wednesday morning. He leaves Sydney for the US in one day!! He's coming home!!
I'll have him finally after six months soon!! Soon, soon, soon!!!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
.....
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. ~Aristotle
I learned something this afternoon. Learn is the wrong term, because the clues, the puzzle pieces were there the past few days. I was just missing the few key pieces needed to complete the puzzle. I was given one of those pieces today, unknowingly to the giver.
Dan was set to come home to Iowa from Australia in two days. In two days time, he would've stepped onto a plane in Sydney, Australia and stepped off in Des Moines, Iowa. In two days I'd have my other half in my arms where he belongs. He would've been home.
Plans have been put on hold for the moment. I can not and will not explain why. Contrary to suspicion, I'm not upset that he won't be home in two days. Rather, I'm thankful. I know where he is and that he is safe. I can be where I am needed and not feel torn between two choices. Yes, I'm sad that he won't be home, but since we began dating we've been apart...127 days. The entire length of time we've been together, we've been apart. Series of events made it so. 127 days and counting. We've made it this far, we can make it as long as need be. I love him regardless of where he is.
I learned something this afternoon. Learn is the wrong term, because the clues, the puzzle pieces were there the past few days. I was just missing the few key pieces needed to complete the puzzle. I was given one of those pieces today, unknowingly to the giver.
Dan was set to come home to Iowa from Australia in two days. In two days time, he would've stepped onto a plane in Sydney, Australia and stepped off in Des Moines, Iowa. In two days I'd have my other half in my arms where he belongs. He would've been home.
Plans have been put on hold for the moment. I can not and will not explain why. Contrary to suspicion, I'm not upset that he won't be home in two days. Rather, I'm thankful. I know where he is and that he is safe. I can be where I am needed and not feel torn between two choices. Yes, I'm sad that he won't be home, but since we began dating we've been apart...127 days. The entire length of time we've been together, we've been apart. Series of events made it so. 127 days and counting. We've made it this far, we can make it as long as need be. I love him regardless of where he is.
NOOO!!!!!!!
Listening To: Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy ~ Tata Young
NOOO!!!!!! IT CAN'T BE TRUE!!! I WON'T BELIEVE IT!!!!
*SOBS*
*sniff*
I...am a Doctor Who fan. I am a Whovian. I watched Doctor Who occasionally as a child when Iowa Public Television would play reruns featuring the 5th Doctor. Then years later, I became reintroduced with the 10th Doctor. David Tennent. Easily my favorite Doctor. Not to mention he is...pretty...to say the least. And the pinstripes.....better yet, lets not go there.
He isn't going to be the Doctor anymore!!! 5 more hours of my favorite and then he'll regenerate!! *sobs*
NOOO!!!!!! IT CAN'T BE TRUE!!! I WON'T BELIEVE IT!!!!
*SOBS*
*sniff*
I...am a Doctor Who fan. I am a Whovian. I watched Doctor Who occasionally as a child when Iowa Public Television would play reruns featuring the 5th Doctor. Then years later, I became reintroduced with the 10th Doctor. David Tennent. Easily my favorite Doctor. Not to mention he is...pretty...to say the least. And the pinstripes.....better yet, lets not go there.
He isn't going to be the Doctor anymore!!! 5 more hours of my favorite and then he'll regenerate!! *sobs*
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Our Song
"My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary." ~Martin Luther.
"Our song is the slamming screen door, sneakin' out late tappin on your window. When we're on the phone and you talk real slow 'cause its late and your Momma don't know. Our song is the way you laugh. The first date 'man, I didn't kiss her and I should have'. And when I got home....before I said amen, asking God if he could play it again." ~Taylor Swift, Our Song
Well, I got a little antsy earlier and started listening to some of the songs in my iTunes. I decided to list out the songs Dan and I have shared with each other, the ones that remind of us of what we mean to each other, how we love each other. Our love, appreciation....I could go on for ages. But some of the songs will be mushy enough as it is, I don't want to scar you to horribly at the get go.
"Our song is the slamming screen door, sneakin' out late tappin on your window. When we're on the phone and you talk real slow 'cause its late and your Momma don't know. Our song is the way you laugh. The first date 'man, I didn't kiss her and I should have'. And when I got home....before I said amen, asking God if he could play it again." ~Taylor Swift, Our Song
Well, I got a little antsy earlier and started listening to some of the songs in my iTunes. I decided to list out the songs Dan and I have shared with each other, the ones that remind of us of what we mean to each other, how we love each other. Our love, appreciation....I could go on for ages. But some of the songs will be mushy enough as it is, I don't want to scar you to horribly at the get go.
- I Knew I Loved You ~ Savage Garden (This is Our Song)
- Johnny & June ~ Heidi Newfield
- She's Everything ~ Brad Paisley
- You Had Me From Hello ~ Kenny Chesney (I'll explain this one someday)
- When You Say You Love Me ~ Josh Groban
- Bless The Broken Road ~ Rascal Flatts
- When You Say Nothing At All ~ Alison Krauss
- Amazed ~ Lonestar
- You're The Love I Wanna Be In ~ Jason Aldean
- I Swear ~ John Michael Montgomery
- Big Girl (You're Beautiful) ~ Mika (Explain this one someday too)
- From This Moment On ~ Shania Twain
- Good Morning Beautiful ~ Steve Holy
- All I Want To Do ~ Sugarland
- We Weren't Crazy ~ Josh Gracin
- Take Me There ~ Rascal Flatts
- A Whole New World ~ Aladdin & Jasmine (Yes, we love Disney)
- The Keeper of the Stars ~ Tracy Bryd
- I Cross My Heart ~ George Strait
- Wrapped Around ~ Brad Paisley (Funny story with this one...)
- One Boy, One Girl ~ Colin Raye
- Without You ~ RENT
- I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing ~ Aerosmith
- I'm Already There ~ Lonestar
- Fall Into Me ~ Emerson Drive
- Everything ~ Michael Buble
- Truly Madly Deeply ~ Savage Garden
- Making Memories Of Us ~ Keith Urban
- You're Everything ~ Keith Urban
- Kiss Me ~ Sixpence None the Richer
- Have I Told You Lately That I Love You ~ Rod Stewart
- Must Be Doin' Somethin' ~ Billy Currington
- Livin' Our Love Song ~ Jason Michael Carroll
- Love You Out Loud ~ Rascal Flatts
- We Danced ~ Brad Paisley
- I Do (Cherish You) ~ Mark Wills
- Waitin On A Woman ~ Brad Paisley (Story....makes me cry....don't know if I'll share)
- My Baby Loves Me ~ Martina McBride
- Now That I Found You ~ Terri Clark
- Little Moments ~ Brad Paisley
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Changes
Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.~ Carol Burnett
Changes will be made in my life, changes have been happening for months of course, slowly until the amount reaches an explosion. Hell may break loose at the end, or things will go over smoothly. Who knows? I don't.
*sigh*
I don't have the picturesque family like many people in my life think. I was molested for years by a cousin of mine until around the age of 13. I've hidden this fact from many of those close to me for essentially my entire life, only revealing it to those I trust the most within the past year; even then some don't know all the facts. For years, I've been scared of me, because of what he did and said, but when Dan came into the picture things changed. I can't begin to list how he's helped me, before and after we started dating, I'll fill this blog again and again. But because of him, I began the healing process of the constant sexual abuse I was put through for ruffly ten years.
One problem though. That cousin is still around.
Some would say to avoid him, I should tell my family what happened. They know. They've known for...um...six years. Six years...damn, where has the time gone??!! Anyway, they know what happened, when it happened, how it happened...etc. They know how his precence affects me too. Does it faze them any? Absolutely not. At all. My grandmother's opinion is this: "You both are my grandchildren. You cannot expect me to choose between you. He is family and family sticks together, no matter what they've done."
Okay, fine, I'll let the old lady have her opinion. I love her to death despite this, and other factors, and due to her health its questionable how long she'll still be with us. Plus, her opinions are rock solid by this point. She isn't the one that has hurt me though. That would be my Mother.
When I was 13, and everything came out into the open, she promised me that I would never have to be near him, that he wouldn't be allowed near me. That promise was kept for a couple of years while he wasn't allowed into the state legally but then the time was up and he could come back. He was welcome onto the property with the open arms of my mother and grandmother. That was the day my trust in my mother was utterly destroyed; I have yet to fully trust her again.
She welcomes him, allows him into the house, staying there, allowing him into my room on occasion. Welcomes his help, because there are things she's to old to do now and I'm extremely afraid of heights (like top step of a little step ladder afraid) and can't go where she needs help, so she brings him. Okay fine, don't force me near him. Which she does. But the final straw came this past weekend, when he was here. I had gotten fed up with it, and not being allowed in my room, and my annoyance finally snapped. She freaked out in turn on me, and we argued in my bedroom. She asked me "Why are you so bothered by him being here?"
I can't take it anymore.
Not long after Dan and I began dating, and I got my arse home from Europe, plans began on sending him home to Iowa from Australia. He offered me a place to live with him in his apa, sorry, our apartment. Our home. That was in August. I've been thinking about the offer, asking those close to me that I trust for their thoughts and opinions, and weighing my own thoughts, opinions and beliefs. Listing out pros and cons. I thought long and hard about this offer, knowing that if was an important choice that would alter many things. I agreed last week, a few days before that lovely statement from my mother. But that choice, this change in my life brought other unseen changes before my eyes.
I don't have the picturesque family. My older brother, my older sister, and myself were emotionally and mentally abused. Having this revelation handed to me felt like a slap in the face. I had never seen the signs with my brother, he left for the Marines when I was in 3rd grade. I still lived in a relative world or ignorant bliss then. But with my sister, I began to notice how she treated us differently. I'm not speaking of the differences caused by our different ages, but vast notable differences. And there were the things she would say, hurtful demeaning things you wouldn't expect to hear from your mother. This continued for years for both my sister and I, but I never put two and two together on myself, only her. And I shall not get into the stress the woman causes.
But....its time for change, and its slowly beginning.
Changes will be made in my life, changes have been happening for months of course, slowly until the amount reaches an explosion. Hell may break loose at the end, or things will go over smoothly. Who knows? I don't.
*sigh*
I don't have the picturesque family like many people in my life think. I was molested for years by a cousin of mine until around the age of 13. I've hidden this fact from many of those close to me for essentially my entire life, only revealing it to those I trust the most within the past year; even then some don't know all the facts. For years, I've been scared of me, because of what he did and said, but when Dan came into the picture things changed. I can't begin to list how he's helped me, before and after we started dating, I'll fill this blog again and again. But because of him, I began the healing process of the constant sexual abuse I was put through for ruffly ten years.
One problem though. That cousin is still around.
Some would say to avoid him, I should tell my family what happened. They know. They've known for...um...six years. Six years...damn, where has the time gone??!! Anyway, they know what happened, when it happened, how it happened...etc. They know how his precence affects me too. Does it faze them any? Absolutely not. At all. My grandmother's opinion is this: "You both are my grandchildren. You cannot expect me to choose between you. He is family and family sticks together, no matter what they've done."
Okay, fine, I'll let the old lady have her opinion. I love her to death despite this, and other factors, and due to her health its questionable how long she'll still be with us. Plus, her opinions are rock solid by this point. She isn't the one that has hurt me though. That would be my Mother.
When I was 13, and everything came out into the open, she promised me that I would never have to be near him, that he wouldn't be allowed near me. That promise was kept for a couple of years while he wasn't allowed into the state legally but then the time was up and he could come back. He was welcome onto the property with the open arms of my mother and grandmother. That was the day my trust in my mother was utterly destroyed; I have yet to fully trust her again.
She welcomes him, allows him into the house, staying there, allowing him into my room on occasion. Welcomes his help, because there are things she's to old to do now and I'm extremely afraid of heights (like top step of a little step ladder afraid) and can't go where she needs help, so she brings him. Okay fine, don't force me near him. Which she does. But the final straw came this past weekend, when he was here. I had gotten fed up with it, and not being allowed in my room, and my annoyance finally snapped. She freaked out in turn on me, and we argued in my bedroom. She asked me "Why are you so bothered by him being here?"
I can't take it anymore.
Not long after Dan and I began dating, and I got my arse home from Europe, plans began on sending him home to Iowa from Australia. He offered me a place to live with him in his apa, sorry, our apartment. Our home. That was in August. I've been thinking about the offer, asking those close to me that I trust for their thoughts and opinions, and weighing my own thoughts, opinions and beliefs. Listing out pros and cons. I thought long and hard about this offer, knowing that if was an important choice that would alter many things. I agreed last week, a few days before that lovely statement from my mother. But that choice, this change in my life brought other unseen changes before my eyes.
I don't have the picturesque family. My older brother, my older sister, and myself were emotionally and mentally abused. Having this revelation handed to me felt like a slap in the face. I had never seen the signs with my brother, he left for the Marines when I was in 3rd grade. I still lived in a relative world or ignorant bliss then. But with my sister, I began to notice how she treated us differently. I'm not speaking of the differences caused by our different ages, but vast notable differences. And there were the things she would say, hurtful demeaning things you wouldn't expect to hear from your mother. This continued for years for both my sister and I, but I never put two and two together on myself, only her. And I shall not get into the stress the woman causes.
But....its time for change, and its slowly beginning.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Life. Future. Everything.
The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. ~Ben Stein
What do I wish for my life? What do I want? What are my goals? My dreams? I'm not one to plan out my entire life and stick to that plan until it happens. To many variables happen each day. Take a breath and let things happen as they do. That mindset doesn't mean I don't have an idea of what i want to do, what I want to achieve in life.
I want to graduate college with some kind of degree. To show that I can do this and I accomplished something. I don't know what kind of career I should go into, because I know what I want to do someday. I want to be a Mom. Marry the man I love and have children with him. Some women would condone me for that, some members of my family as well, but this is what I want. To stay home with my children, to be there for them when I need them. To have dinner on the table when they and my husband come home from school and work. I love children, I would take care of some children all day and night if I could. This is what I want to do.
Now don't be thinking that means I'm eager to get hitched and start makin' babies. Ah hell no! I ain't ready for that yet. I still have a life to live before I'm ready to settle down completely. I want to travel, see the world. There is so much out there that I want to see. I want to go to:
In the end, I want my life. I have my dreams, my hopes and wishes. As long as I have those, and remember them, I'll live my life to the fullest.
What do I wish for my life? What do I want? What are my goals? My dreams? I'm not one to plan out my entire life and stick to that plan until it happens. To many variables happen each day. Take a breath and let things happen as they do. That mindset doesn't mean I don't have an idea of what i want to do, what I want to achieve in life.
I want to graduate college with some kind of degree. To show that I can do this and I accomplished something. I don't know what kind of career I should go into, because I know what I want to do someday. I want to be a Mom. Marry the man I love and have children with him. Some women would condone me for that, some members of my family as well, but this is what I want. To stay home with my children, to be there for them when I need them. To have dinner on the table when they and my husband come home from school and work. I love children, I would take care of some children all day and night if I could. This is what I want to do.
Now don't be thinking that means I'm eager to get hitched and start makin' babies. Ah hell no! I ain't ready for that yet. I still have a life to live before I'm ready to settle down completely. I want to travel, see the world. There is so much out there that I want to see. I want to go to:
- Egypt
- Switzerland (again)
- Ireland
- England (again)
- France (again)
- Japan
- India
- China
- Germany (again)
- Italy (again)
- Australia
- Austria (again)
- Russia
- Greece
- Spain
In the end, I want my life. I have my dreams, my hopes and wishes. As long as I have those, and remember them, I'll live my life to the fullest.
Okay...so I'm really bad at keeping these things updated. You should see my LiveJournals. One hasn't been updated since February....
Lets give the basics, shall we? I'm 19 in my second wonderful year of college, with still very faint ideas of what I want to do with my education. I love reading, I'm always reading something that isn't required for school and I'd rather drown my Algebra book in the puddle near my brother's truck than look at it. Bleh...
Why do people make introduction posts? People that read it either know you, or they will figure you out through the course of your updating? I will never understand this, even as I sit here typing one.
For the record, there will be a range of things typed here, some good some bad, some innocent and some naughty. I'm nice and I'll put warnings on things, or lock them on a good day. Otherwise, don't read them. My blog, my ventings.
Any questions?
Lets give the basics, shall we? I'm 19 in my second wonderful year of college, with still very faint ideas of what I want to do with my education. I love reading, I'm always reading something that isn't required for school and I'd rather drown my Algebra book in the puddle near my brother's truck than look at it. Bleh...
Why do people make introduction posts? People that read it either know you, or they will figure you out through the course of your updating? I will never understand this, even as I sit here typing one.
For the record, there will be a range of things typed here, some good some bad, some innocent and some naughty. I'm nice and I'll put warnings on things, or lock them on a good day. Otherwise, don't read them. My blog, my ventings.
Any questions?
Sunday, September 7, 2008
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