*sigh*

Somedays, being this far is hard. There are times I wish he were back in Sydney but then my rational side whacks the irrational with a steel 2x4 with some sense. Dan being in Sydney was hell, he was to far away. I cried myself to sleep so many times during those months, as I do now. I love him whole-heartily. I would easily lay my life before his, if it meant he'd make it just one more day. I never want to see him hurt or suffer, but I don't want to lose him either.

I am trying right now, I really am. I've clung to the hope that we will really be together before Valentine's Day, but each day...each passing day, it gets a bit harder. Something will be said, or something will be noticed. I'll be reminded of the failed attempts, how close we really were. Its so hard. I sound like a whiny child saying that, but it is. Seven, nearly eight months, of separation. When will it end? All I want to do, what I long to do, is see his smile hear his laugh. See how peaceful he looks in his sleep, be there for him to lean on when he needs it. Be able to listen to him, to comfort him. I want to be with him, be there for him.